Edith Hellewell
Edith Hellewell is Louis Radywonik's lord and master.
Personal History
Edith appeared in the Popomundo universe 2005-09-16. Her mother is a famous media celebrity. Edith decided to go for a career in modeling instead of going to school. She likes going to clubs and having a good time. She can't stand horror movies. Edith is trying to give up smoking.
Edith Hellewell was born in England to domestic diva Martha Hellewell (née Dickinson) and George Hellewell (who was “like 130 years old” when she was born). Her mother was the host of the domestic television show Helle's Kitchen. Martha was always too busy filming and throwing dinner parties to give Edith the attention she needed, dumping her on the nanny rather than having to deal with an annoying child on the set. Stuart, a timid man who was secretly afraid of his wife, spent most of his time “organizing his study” with one of the household's manservants. The lack of love, affection and support left a gaping hole (other than her vagina).
By the time Edith was twelve, she had become sexually active and experimented frequently with drugs and alcohol. She often acted out in hopes of getting her parents' attention, but her efforts were futile. All the vandalism, arson, larceny and other crimes were quickly covered up by her mother's people. After streaking across the set during a live taping of Helle's Kitchen she was sent to a school for “troubled” girls. Here she met Dafne de Groot. She and Dafne quickly became friends and terrorized the school until Edith was thrown out (she still swears she'd never seen that goat before in her life).
The day after being expelled, Edith received a phone call from her mother's personal assistant's personal assistant informing her that her mother refused to put up with the negative publicity and that Edith was not to come home. She decided to move to Los Angeles, but her modelling career never took off so she returned home.
When Edith was 19, she formed a band called Hot Damn along with Alysa Wellman, Vera Feltham, Glennie Belanger, Thomas Banks, and Barker Leighton. Thomas left the band shortly thereafter and appointed Edith bandleader. Edith quickly grew tired of her lazy band members, so she fired them and started a solo career, Helle On Earth.
Hot Damn and Helle On Earth were both signed by Weasel Records and Edith quickly realized that the owner and CEO of Weasel, Clemens Jericho, would make an excellent sugar daddy. She manipulated her way into his bed (and bank account). Edith and Clemens have two children together, Jesus Jericho and Pandora Hellewell.
On Christmas of year 23, Edith gave birth to a baby girl. She has thus far been unable to send a paternity test to the father, Ileana Kok. The baby is, uhm, affectionately (?) referred to as “Bastard Child.”
Jezebel Hart was born on Valentine's Day (day 10) of year 26. Her father is Hugh Hart, a damn ugly (but rich!) beast of a man. Edith fondly refers to Jezebel as “Jizzie” or, when she's in a really loving mood, “Inheritance.”
Pelle Hellewell was conceived when Louis Radywonik took a shit in Edith's vagina. “It's not my fault,” she says of the incident, “we were in Germany! You know, 'when in Rome, let people shit up your vagina' or whatever.”
Edith has said that she will begin taking her musical career seriously “eventually,” but there have been no signs of it yet. She intends to continue on with her promiscuous ways until the STDs kill her.
Trivia
- Edith is (unofficially) married to Stephan Adamson and Otis Fitzpatrick. They just don't know it yet.
- Edith is the only person in the world capable of pulling off purple latex slim-fit pants.
- Edith has had torrid love affairs with people such as Jackie Sprackling and Jeff Payne, all of which ended badly.
- Edith has had over 400 sexual partners.
- Edith is Popomundo's finest master of Tantric sex.
- Edith has mind melting looks and is 75% plastic.
- Edith's vagina crippled Louis Radywonik.
Dating
Edith is infamous for her, uhm, interesting dating habits. So far the pile of bodies consists of:
- Edith Donnelly (and her daughter, Anna-Sophie Donnelly)
[Note: Up until day 32 of year 25, when it was sold to a third party, all dates were held at the Kevorkian Kafe in London. It is now a Mexican restaurant or something.]
Career
| Band name | Role | Starting Date | End Date |
|---|---|---|---|
| Hot Damn | leader / bassist | 2005-9 | 2005-11 |
| Helle on Earth | whatever | 2005-11 | - |
